my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
