Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize