My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
