i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We're too hungover to prance.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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