Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
