Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
