Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I believe in your delicious
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
