I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
