I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
