mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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