oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
