I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
His nipple licking is glorious
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