Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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