I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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