I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
