you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We left the knife in your bed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
