If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
