we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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