I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
