Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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