I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
