I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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