I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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