you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
