I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
