bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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