Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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