No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
