dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
