I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
last night I used snow as a chaser
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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