So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
