just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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