Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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