So drunk, too bad you don't want this
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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