Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A bitchslap is in order.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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