gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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