finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
