Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
