While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
