he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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