I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize