guys are only as good as the porn they watch
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
