i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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