After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
