just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
