Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
