ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
