would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
