Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
