Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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