Umm I'm too high to move.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
