Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Randomize
