I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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