u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
