dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
