he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
