I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize