Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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