No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
