I need help removing her.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
