no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize