This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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