Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
