I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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