1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
