Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
