3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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