remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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