you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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