bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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