I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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