Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
