All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
