You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
