Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
