She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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