so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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