they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
