While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
