the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
