I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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