): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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