Where is the hickey?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
