I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
