saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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