I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize