we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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