i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
