My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
