May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
