i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize