god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
