Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
