Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
