so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
