then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
