I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
